18 Jan 2011

it's snowing here.
it's lovely.
everything is all fluffy and white.

...fluffy and white...

...the wedding...

...oh god. have to find fabric to make bunting...

[this is the way my brain is wired these days]

and continuing on in this seemingly random to the unsuspecting reader strange thought process, I have a confession to make.

I don't think marriage is going to be the life changing experience other people tell me it is going to be.

sure, marriage used to be a much bigger deal.
but a few decades ago it was not the norm for couples to co-habituate pre-wedding. it wasn't accepted to live in a marriage-like state before actually getting married.

back then, after the wedding, two people did actually start a new life together. they had to get used to being around a new person 24/7. they had to learn about and learn to deal with their partner's strange little quirks. they had to adjust to working together towards common goals. they needed lots of new stuff.

but things have changed. now-a-days, most couple go through the majority of those steps and trials much earlier in the relationship. almost all are living together before they even get engaged.
marriage now seems more of a life continuing step, than a life changing step.

and this is the case with ben and I. we've been together 9 years, and have been living together for 5 of those, give or take. we're practically already married, in the standard sense of the word.

I have tried, and failed, to see how this wedding is going to change who we are as a couple/partnership.etc.
[legal/tax/spousal insurance mambo jambo aside]

the only thing I can think of is, when we get married, other people will view us differently. we will most likely be treated as more adult. more mature. better equipped to proceed and deal with life as it comes at us.

which, if I am completely honest with you, bugs me.

if I don't see myself as different,
if ben doesn't see himself as different,
if we don't see ourselves as different,
why should others see us as different?

there is no good answer to that question, but it's the one that's been flitting through my mind a lot lately.

such are the trials and tribulations of the non-bridal bride.

by the way, I have just watched a guy shovel and shovel again the same patch of sidewalk in from of my office four times over the last hour and a half.
which is awesome.
hooray snow!!


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