19 Aug 2010

what's in a name?

reading through the archives of another damn wedding when I was supposed to be working on my own time, I came across this post from about 5 months ago about changing your last name.

now, I have already agreed with ben that I would take his last name when we got married, as it is not really one of my major hang-ups, I quite like his last name and this is something that is very very important to him.

but I am not going to pretend that I am not going to miss my name and be a little bit bummed about losing it.

after all, by the time we get married, I would have had it for 28 years.
and though I have already decided that I will not be legally changing my name until after I graduate from grad school (I want my name on my diploma) some friends have already started attaching his last name to my first, just for fun.

it doesn't feel wrong by any means, it does feel a bit weird.

not that I am considering alternative options here (I am not a fan of hyphenation, and I cannot see ben taking my name instead. men apparently don't like to do that), I have already made my decision, and truthfully I am quite okay with it. ben has never played the traditional dominant male in the relationship role, we are actually very balanced in our relationship. so going along with him on this one doesn't really bother me. (the whole "man playing the equal role in the relationship, therefore man somehow deserves an archaic gesture from a more unbalanced time" is a discussion for another day)

but I think there will always be a part of me that will pine for my name.

(also, sometimes the feminist in me toys with the idea of keeping my last name just to spite and damn expectations and demands of a traditional society. but, as it's important to ben....I don't...)


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