the latest thing I absolutely NEED

.
the second the plane touches down in the states and I am in front of a computer with an internet connection, I am ordering this book.
(found on amazon for the low low price of $3.99!)

sample page. follow link above for oh so many more.

a marriage textbook issued to high school students by the US government in the 50's and 60's?

goldmine, my friends. goldmine.

screw it, I'm ordering it now.
it will be waiting for me in CT.

.

what's in a name?

.
reading through the archives of another damn wedding when I was supposed to be working on my own time, I came across this post from about 5 months ago about changing your last name.

now, I have already agreed with ben that I would take his last name when we got married, as it is not really one of my major hang-ups, I quite like his last name and this is something that is very very important to him.

but I am not going to pretend that I am not going to miss my name and be a little bit bummed about losing it.

after all, by the time we get married, I would have had it for 28 years.
and though I have already decided that I will not be legally changing my name until after I graduate from grad school (I want my name on my diploma) some friends have already started attaching his last name to my first, just for fun.

it doesn't feel wrong by any means, it does feel a bit weird.


not that I am considering alternative options here (I am not a fan of hyphenation, and I cannot see ben taking my name instead. men apparently don't like to do that), I have already made my decision, and truthfully I am quite okay with it. ben has never played the traditional dominant male in the relationship role, we are actually very balanced in our relationship. so going along with him on this one doesn't really bother me. (the whole "man playing the equal role in the relationship, therefore man somehow deserves an archaic gesture from a more unbalanced time" is a discussion for another day)

but I think there will always be a part of me that will pine for my name.

(also, sometimes the feminist in me toys with the idea of keeping my last name just to spite and damn expectations and demands of a traditional society. but, as it's important to ben....I don't...)

.

on the topic of lavender

.

 I have been waffling back and forth on whether or not I want to hold flowers (or anything really) during the ceremony.

it seems typically the bride only holds them for walking down the aisle (after which she promptly gives them to a bridesmaid) and for the photos.

and since I am still figuring out where I stand on said aisle-walking and roles of bridesmaids (or rather, roles of *insert title other than bridesmaids here*. not a fan of the term bridesmaids...) and all that jazz, it almost makes bouquets a moot point.

sure, I like flowers. but it a non-formal type of way. more in a "hey look what I just found in the garden and ripped off the plant with my bare hands!" kind of way. which, let's be honest, is not the feeling you get from the majority of bridal arrangements.

and then I came across this image this morning.
and I was like "hey. I almost kinda sorta maybe could see me holding something like this on my wedding day."

and you know what my next thought was?

not, is lavender in season in september?
not, that would kinda be cool as I have heard that scent is the sense most closely associated with memory and women that had something fragrant in their flowers always remember their wedding day when they smell that flower now and that would be kinda cool.

oh no.
it was, but purple isn't in our colour scheme.

let's back this up a bit now.
even when we were approaching our wedding by doing all the things you are "supposed" to do, we couldn't come up with a cohesive colour scheme, so to speak.
we tried.

we ended up with a palette consisting of every colour.

granted we put a bit more emphasis on the blues and the greens.
(and the reds and the yellows.)
(and the oranges and the browns.)
than we did the purple, but we definitely didn't have a scheme as you see on martha stewart or similar.

so where this thought came from I have no freakin' clue.

I don't particularly like the fact that upon seeing fairly woodsy and untypical (is that a word?) bundle of lavender, my first thought was of colour schemes.

I don't really believe in colour schemes.
wedding or otherwise.
just ask ben.
my decorating mantra is "if nothing goes, everything goes".

for a colour scheme worry to pop up in my head makes me nervous.
wedding thoughts are obviously starting to go astray.

therefore, I am officially banning myself from looking at snippet & ink and their inspiration boards for at least two weeks.
(nothing against snippet & ink. these are merely bethany sanity saving measures and precautions.)

also, you like how this post cleanly segwayed from one neurotic thought to another, all neatly tied together with the subject of lavender?
and my eighth grade english teacher said my writing fluency skills were lacking.

[image from here]

.

and on a slightly lighter note

.
these are pure genius.

have you ever wondered why wedding gown models always have the most awkward poses and facial expressions?

this girl sheds some light on the topic.
by adding in the missing photo captions.
like I said, pure genius.
(btw, her blog is what I want mine to be. I am pretty sure she trans-continentally read my mind on almost every topic. I think I may have found my wedding soul mate)

  (bridesmaids version)

[all the links here]

.

changes of thought

.
so on a whim I sat down and started scrolling through the archives of this blog and I realized something.

my approach and thinking of this whole wedding thing back then was nothing like my approach and thinking now.

mostly because we didn't start planning said wedding right after we got engaged (for various reasons: the distance, we're lazy, I'm neurotic, you know. all the standard ones) and so there had yet to be a reason for me to really really think about weddings, what we wanted ours to be and what the whole thing really means to us.

which just happens to be the point I am at now.

my thinking and approach to planning our wedding has changed, and so this blog is going to change a bit too.
(look! the posts now have titles!)

there will be less cutesy "oh, this is neat!" and "inspiration" photos (the majority of the blog's previous form) and more formidable (formidable? ahh screw it, can't think of a better word) stuff.
more discussions on the things that we are attempting to figure out, how we want to adapt things to make them our own and our overall vision for this shin-dig. (these types visions do not include colour schemes, btw.)

there might even be a few good old-fashioned rants thrown in there for good measure.

I have even updated my google reader to this new approach. blogs that only show photo shoots, engagement sessions and indie-hipster weddings only obtainable with waaaay more budget than ben and I have?

gone.

(well, mostly. left one or two good ones in. can't take away all of mama's eye candy.)

blogs where people actually discuss the issues they have/had while planning their weddings, many of which mirror our own, and how they dealt with them?

in.

the goal is to have this blog be a place where all the things I/we am/are thinking over can be sorting out. we attempted doing this in one of our many moleskins, but that halted real quick. like I said, we're kinda lazy.

and a blog I can update  when I am supposed to be working  on my lunch break!

things are about to get a whole lot more cynical up in here.

(and I promise, despite that last sentence, not more r&b [up in here]. skinny white chick from the middle of connecticut? that attempt would be an utter failure...yo)

.

.
UPDATE:

using the previously mentioned muppet creator.

I now present to you, muppet bethany!!

casual new england muppet bethany

trendy london muppet bethany

and just for funnsies, I made a muppet of my co-worker charlie

yeah, I don't see any work getting done today...

.

I don't think I have ever coveted somebody else's wedding as much as I do this one.

major coveting reasons:

1. they got married (and I believe the first couple to do so) at jim henson's muppet studios.

2. they got muppets made of themselves.

3. they got muppets made of themselves (it needed repeating).

and that's not even going into their star wars cake and in-n-out burger truck.

naturally this segwayed directly into finding this.

you can make your own muppet!!!

so much better than a boring old teddy bear.

watch out nyc.

give me enough time to raise funds, and a muppet bethany will be attacking your streets.

[via + via]

.

I don't know if it's just because I am really hungry right now or what, but this dessert table looks damn good.

[via]

when we were initially planning this thing, we thought we would be 3,000 miles and an ocean away from venue/family/friends for the majority of the pre-wedding time.

which put a firm kebash on my "I am going to make everything!" plan.

course, things have now changed.

the UK is kicking ben and I out, at least till I start grad school next fall, so we will be hanging out a mere 300 miles (ocean now a moot point) at the most from venue/family/friends.

and my urge to do everything is kicking in again.

plans for collected mis-matched plates, bunting and baking our own cupcakes are already in motion. (and by motion I mean talking about how great and easy it is going to be), and other things will most likely make their way into the mix over the coming year. either that, or flee the to-do list.

but the venue decision was made when we were still operating under the assumption that the above-mentioned miles and large bodies of water would be separating b+b and venue/family/friends.

and while I like our venue, especially as it allows everybody to stay there all together, I am not in love with it.

a lot of things are included in the wedding package. we must use their food, and they even provide flowers.

which is probably the most wonderfulest thing ever to some couples.
but us?
we are creative types.
we like to create.
we like to create things that reflect us.
we (I) like to do everything.

which is not really an option at this place.

but deposit's paid, date is set and everybody else is wicked excited about it all.

so I have decided I am going to suck it up and do what I can to make an all-inclusive (or close enough in my mind) package us.

and yes, this will include mis-matched plates.

.

.

4)  Please note that the second I read the words “heart topiary” or “wedding gazebo,” I will click the back button so hard your webmaster will cry.

this girl gets me.

.

two things.

one, I still want mis-matched plates:

two, I now (still) want a picnic wedding:

[via + via]

ummmmm, in love with this.

[via]

[via]

a stoke newington wedding!

our street is now famous.

to those who read wedding blogs...

[via]

white chairs are for wussies.

[via]

ok.

I really do have to get off my ass and attempt this.

if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I got eaten by a rouge sewing machine.

[via]

things, guys.

they are a changin'.

and life.

life's a changin'.

in big ways.

we're figuring it out.

[via]

during the research and planning of this wedding, I have often been reminded of the unequal treatment and altered approach to marriage given to same-sex couples as opposed to heterosexual couples.

and as the boy and I hail from new hampshire and connecticut respectively, where same-sex marriage is legal, this fact has always deeply saddened me. for america has always been about equality, no?

we are friends with quite the large number of gay and lesbian friends, and I have never seen any reason why, if they are lucky enough to find someone whom they love are want to commit to for the rest of their lives, they should be denied the legal benefits of marriage simply because they are two men or two women. I know plenty of same-sex couples who are far more balanced and functional than your standard heterosexual relationship.

which is why I was so happy to turn on my computer this morning to this.

now, california has not had an easy road to this decision, as most are probably aware. but I am so excited to see (what I perceive as) justice prevail here.

proposition 8 was discrimination, and had no place in today's modern american society.

so good on you california!

and let's hope other states start to move in the same direction!

WOOHOO!!

I have decided I want a get-away scooter.

also, that I would sacrifice many small baked goods to be able to afford and hire these photographers
(I have lusted after them before).

just follow the 'via' link and bask in the awesomeness.

[via]

I.

WANT.


[via]

amen.

[via]

there is something about signing your marriage liscence during your wedding ceremony that appeals to me.

can't tell you for the life of me what exactly that is, but it is something.

[via + via]

look!

more mis-matched plates!

that's it.

I'm calling it.

it's a revolution.

[via]

hang interesting things from trees, and they will come.


[via]